Just another 6am McDonald's

21st may 2016
ok ok ok, I know, I promised I would post and I haven't posted in something like 3 months. I know, I'm such a bad person... shush.
So now that I have broken my new year's resolution, I have nothing to lose so I'm gonna tell you what's been going on in my incredibly boring life... deal with it!

Sometime in the past
So, if you have read my last posts, you will know that I literally do nothing with my life so trust me, this wont take long.
So, recently I have been doing... stuff... I guess. That isn't very specific is it?
ok, well I haven't had any more awkward encounters, I haven't really done much. I went to school, like a normal 14 year old. but I'm not normal. to be honest, I don't know where I'm going with this, I'm tired and all my friends are having fun while I sit here writing about my life listening to my other friend who's asleep breathing really loud. She pulled an all nighter last night so now she's really tired.
Ok, I have nothing good going on in my life right now so I'm just gonna tell you about what we did yesterday.

20th May 2016
So yesterday was like any other, we went to school, did boring school stuff. I was late for school... AGAIN! Because my cats are bloody stupid and feel the need to decapitate birds and gut mice, giving my mum a panic attack and leaving me to clean up the mess... thanks for that you psychopathic cat. They literally eat the head and leave the half eaten body on the floor.
Oops, that's a bit graphic isn't it? Eh well
Anyway, when I got to school I instantly wanted to kill myself so we all know that that is a great start to the day. At least I didn't have PE like I usually do, we had to do some business thing in ICT and it took up an extra hour so we got to miss PE which is great since I'm very lazy and I can never be bothered getting off my ass.
So I decided to walk home from school instead of getting the bus because.... well, I don't know why, maybe I just felt weird and decided to not be lazy. Who knows?! So I walked home with four of my other friends. We just ended up singing Fall Out Boy and Panic! At The Disco songs because we are weird and have no shame. So we went to B&M for some sweets and just crap to rot our teeth. I went to the library with Katie. OH I REMEMBER SOMETHING! (that doesn't happen very often) I was reading a book called The Rain and it was really good. If you ever come across it, you should read it because its great. It's basically a book about this group of friends and the rain kills people. So if you get rained on... you die. It's very... full of suspense. and its not written in the style of a normal book. Well... I don't think style is the right word for it. I think the word was more... Tone. It was written like this post is written. It basically sounded like someone casually telling a story. But hers was about a murderous rain cloud. You get the message.
Anyway after I went to the library I went home. I had some weird thing that was like a pot noodle but it was pasta. so it was a pot pasta. (why does that sound like drugs so much?) It was also an Asda's own brand so it tasted like shit. I was literal shit. Well the taste wasn't all that bad. You barely got any in it. And when I bit into it some of the pasta was still hard. Although... that was most likely my fault for not filling it up enough or not leaving it to stand for  long enough.
Anyway, after that, I went and grabbed all my sugary crap, some clothes and my duvet and headed off to my friend's house. One problem though... I didn't know which house was hers. I was pacing her street looking for 'a house with dragons in the window' because that's what my friends described it as. Well, I couldn't find a house with dragons in the window so I ended up nocking on multiple doors, none of which were hers. I found it in the end because Katie came outside and found me. As I walked into the house I was bombarded by a baring dog.... not any old dog... Sophie. My best friend was sat on the floor barking at my feet. She stopped though and we ended up watching Nemo. That was fun. We just watched loads of Disney movies. After a while we all calmed down a bit. Apart from Sophie who was giggling... a lot. We watched Pirates of the Caribbean... all three of them as we were falling asleep. Megan fell asleep first, and then Katie. Everyone else just fell asleep at some point during the night. I fell asleep at about 2am and my other friends fell asleep at around 3am. None of us slept very well... we all kept waking up during the night... apart from Sophie. Sophie didn't sleep at all. She stayed up all night watching movies. That is now coming back to bite her in the ass coz she's now very, very sleepy and she fell asleep on the floor next to the TV.
At about 5am I woke up. Hannah, Aimee and Sophie were already awake so it wasn't awkward for me like it usually is at sleepovers because I'm usually the first one awake and I just lay there doing nothing and waiting for someone else to wake up. But today Most people were awake so it wasn't that awkward.

21st May 2016
Today, as I said before, I woke up at about 5am. We wanted breakfast so me, Hannah and Sophie decided to go into town and get some McDonald's. We initially wanted ice cream. But stupid bloody McDonald's decided that the ice cream machine wasn't working so I had to settle for an iced smoothie, Sophie got an Oasis and Hannah got a bagel and some coffee. Then we went back to Megan's. We have literally done nothing but play cards against humanity and watch YouTube videos since then. And the entire time I have been writing this long ass blog post. So I hope you appreciate my efforts because typing on this crappy laptop is bloody difficult! (I feel as though I may have offended my laptop at this point... Sorry laptop.)

Just Another Goodbye
From Just Another Girl

Just Another New Kid

Ok so this time I really have no idea what I did in the last week. so I'm just gonna summarise it. Oh, and I'm sorry for not posting for a whole week, I just couldn't be arsed.

Last Week:
So in the last week, I've had a total of about 5 breakdowns and that's actually good for me coz I usually have 1 a night so its getting better. At school, its been mostly revision for our exams in two weeks. There's a new kid. I feel kinda sorry for him, he doesn't really have many friends. I want to go make friends with him but one of my friends 'likes' him and wont leave him alone and gets mad whenever I go to say hi. because apparently being friendly is a bad thing. I don't even see how she has a crush on him, she's known him a day and has spoken to him twice for 5 minutes each time. None of my friends will let me speak to anyone new because apparently I'm too loud and crazy. Its completely untrue. I just like making new friends and nobody understands that. They always would think I like them (in that way). I wish my friends were nicer to me tbh.

Friday 22nd January 2016:
so the new kid was sat on a table near us and of course my friend went flirting. As she walked away me and Hannah went to say hi. My friends went really weird and kept pulling me away saying "CARRIE, STOP BEING AWKWARD" ffs I had been there for 5 seconds and all I said was hi. (btw I know that this sounds like I'm crushing on him but TRUST ME it isn't that I'm just friendly and I like meeting new people but my friends don't believe that because they think I'm am complete trash with no social life which is completely untrue.)
All my lessons were just crap, as usual. after school I went to the library, I researched pretty much everything I need for my GCSE's which are 2 years away so that's sorted.
When I got home I found out that I cant go to the sleeping with sirens concert I was promised. So I'm not meeting Kellin  Quinn anytime soon :(
So again, since its Friday I'm probably just gonna spend the night on tumblr or youtube or something and we just ordered a takeaway so we are now waiting for that.

So that's my life (ive noticed I always say that) anyway. If anyone actually reads this then go sub my youtube (casual shoutout to myself) My YouTube: Cazzie and Nathan
I upload every Friday and I uploaded today. (things I like in guys)

Just Another Goodbye,
From Just Another Girl x

Just Another Meltdown

Hey, I don't know where I left off, so i'm just gonna talk about today. Oh never mind, it was the 12th

13th January 2016:
so I have slept since the 13th so I don't remember much? Wednesday was it? Anyway, Wednesday I went to school as usual. It was all good until something kinda got me down. A boy in my class called (to make this anon---) never mind, he's an idiot I will say his name. He is called Leon and he said to me "oh you stink you" the thing is, my whole family smoke so I always smell like cigarettes and there's nothing I can do about it. It made me kind of upset. After school I wasn't the happiest ever. I went down to my granddads and had my tea there. After a while my family got mad at me 'acting' depressed and so they started having a go at me. We had a massive argument and my mum turned my ENTIRE family against me. When I got home I just went straight upstairs and burst into tears and I was messaging my friends. I was contemplating self harm it was that bad. they were all apparently really upset and worried about me. And while I was mid conversation and in tears my mum turned of the wifi and I just started crying even more and I was shouting to myself "what am I supposed to do now?!" Anyway, I ended up crying myself to sleep and I woke up curled up at the end of my bed next to my laptop still in my jeans and leather jacket at 6:30am due to my alarm.

14th January 2016:
So after I woke up I went downstairs and my mum was all apologetic but I wasn't buying it. I just ran out of the house, At school I was a wreck, ngl. All day I was just a mess. I wouldn't speak to anyone. After school was a little better me and my mum made up

15th January 2016:
Today was a lot better. We got a new seating plan in French and I'm sat with Jared so I cant fail French now lol. P.e was awful. we got given like Zumba routines in groups and we had to learn them then teach another group ours and then they taught us theirs. So yeah, it wasn't too bad, since it's Friday, Me and my family will probably go to the shop, get goodies, come back and do absolutely nothing! the fun

Anyway, hope you week's been better than mine and if not then join the club.

Just Another Goodbye
From Just Another Girl xx

Just Another Breakdown

Hey, Sorry I didn't post yesterday, I had a tough day.

11th January 2016:
yesterday wasn't the best day ever. So I got up at the normal time and went to school. I could already tell it was gonna be a bad day, I forgot my photography book, my homework and how to do maths. When I went to the library, there was some sort of information evening on there so I was just sat there at this desk in the corner of the kids section researching physics. Although I did manage to finally research about Heat Death Theory. Anyway, when I got home, I had a chippy and went upstairs and was chatting to my friends on Facebook when I just suddenly burst out in tears. I don't know why but I just did. I told my friends that I was sorry and that I was being a bitch and I told them about how I was feeling and they started telling me all this crap about how I'm an 'amazing person'  and I know it's all lies. I'm not stupid. One of my friends said she's gonna leave me with a quick quote. I was just in my room shouting omg Hannah please don't, don't do that to me. I knew it was gonna be a quote from Jared Padalecki and he makes me really emotional. and she sent it. I just cried even more. and then she sent me another one and I did the same thing. Megan, shortly after sent me a message saying 'remember a while ago when you sent me this photo' I instantly knew what photo she was talking about and was just screaming 'megan please don't' and she sent it. It was a photo just saying things like 'when you think your worthless prove yourself wrong' and things like that. I sent it to her when she messaged me saying sorry for being a bitch and she doesn't deserve us. After we stopped talking I carried on crying for another hour or so and then went downstairs where my dad calmed me down a little.

12th January 2016:
I seriously couldn't face my friends, I felt soooo bad for crying and complaining last night. I didn't sit with them when I got there. I sat in the other room by myself. Apparently Megan was really worried because she thought I had done something to myself and that's why I wasn't in. In form the person I sit next to said that my friends had said why I wasn't there. She said 'you do know our opinions of you are all that you're a great person. That made me feel a lot better tbh.  I saw Hannah after form and she gave me a hug. I felt a lot better 1st lesson in photography with Sophie. I drew a picture of a naked guy in a shower. It's not as bad as it sounds I put bubbles on it! Anyway, that's my life so far.

Just Another Goodbye
From Just Another Girl xx

Just Another Argument

This weekend has been alright. It was nice seeing Nathan and Josh.

9th January 2016:
Yesterday I didn't do very much. I stayed in the house most of the day at my Grandparents. In the morning they came to pick me up. When I got there I went out to the shop with my uncle, got some food. When I got home I watched a couple of episodes of Once Upon A Time, did nothing then went to bed.

10th January 2016:
So today was just like yesterday. I got up at about 10:30am. I went downstairs, had my breakfast and decided a plan for my day (ikr I'm being organised, I find it weird too). So I was going to go over to Nathan's, Go to the shop, Do my homework, then have a shower just before my mum came to take me home. So far I have been to nathans, been to the shop, partially done my homework but I really cba getting up to have a shower. I have to though coz my hair is greasy af and I have school tomorrow. Anyway. Along the lines of the depression thing, I have been okay most of the day. My uncle and I argue a lot and he tends to really upset me. he says things like he bets my friends don't really want to be my friends coz I'm such a bitch. they're the types of things that I think when I get upset and depressed. I think that they don't really want to be my friends and that they don't really like me and it gets me more and more worked up and it really gets me down. Also, before, when I was doing my photography homework, He got really stressed at me because I was asking y grandad for help and my uncle was butting in. He is ok with me now but it still gets to me quite a bit.

oh and by the way, I actually dint know why I have started updating this so often, I think I just like talking about my feeling and about what I've done with my day. Most of my friends don't care so I don't really talk to them about this type of stuff, or they wont listen, this is like my online diary now I guess. I just find it nice to be able to talk and talk and not give a crap about what people think, if they don't like it they don't have to read it. Simple as that.
Anyway, I should probably get off y lazy ass and take a shower before my mum arrives.

Just Another Goodbye
From Just Another Girl xx

Juat Another Secret

So, I don't know what's made me want to post everyday but I have posted every night for the past 3 days so I'm gonna post a load of random crap today too. Well, I will start with last night.

7th January 2016:
So last night I decided to take a test on the NHS website to test for depression. its not a professional diagnosis obviously but its just a guideline to tell if you need to get help. So, since I have been feeling really depressed for the past year or so (and its been getting worse) I decided to take this little test. The results came up in a table saying the different chances of having different types of depression. My result? It said highly likely for severe depression. I didn't think it was accurate so I ended up taking loads more. They all said pretty much the same. Now I don't know what to do! I cant tell my mum because I'm 14 and she tells me its just hormones. She doesn't believe me and I cant go to the doctors about it just because of that.

8th January 2016:
Today was a pretty normal day. I told my friends about yesterday but I cant trust them not to tell. They aren't good at keeping secrets and I really regret telling them now. At the moment I only trust 2 of them. The rest have already let out my secrets this week. I can't trust them to keep this one too. If they read this they know who they are and they know why I cant trust them. it's their fault!

So, off the depression subject. I hate school anyway but today was pretty crap. We didn't do much. Geography was funny though. I was sat next to my friend. She doesn't like her name on the internet so I'm gonna call her Emma. So me and Emma were sat next to each other in our Geography class.  We were watching a documentary about volcanoes and it was last lesson and we had all just had P.E so everyone was literally falling asleep on their desks. Since we were sat at the back we could see everyone. Emma leant to me and said that when people put down their heads it looked like their heads had gone. I know that sounds childish but we are all really childish. So, we were looking at the people who kept putting down their heads and laughing our heads off (that joke was not intended) Jensen kept looking around to see if anyone saw him putting down his head coz he didn't want to get caught and whenever he did he put his head up again. Jared actually did fall asleep and he's the 'goody goody' of our year so it's unlike him. (i know this doesn't sound funny but you really had to be there.

I'm just gonna stop now coz I'm boring myself

Just Another Goodbye
From Just Another Girl xx

Just Another Crush

Heyy guys. So, as you all know my life is already a complete disaster, but today it got worse. I had a crush on someone over a year ago. To keep this anonymous I'm gonna say he's called Jensen. So I met Jensen at the start of high school. We are the nerdy girls and he is with the nerdy guys and we are all kinda just one big friend group that split into girls and guys. So at the beginning of year 8 which was over a year ago I had a crush on him. I don't even regret it, he's a really nice person and cares fro everyone. Anyway, on new years eve one of my friends messaged me asking for confidence to ask someone out. Again, for anonymous reasons I will call him Jared. So I was helping her giving her advice on how to get closer to the person she wanted to ask out and she said something like 'It doesn't matter, I always have stupid, pathetic crushes, it'll wear off eventually, thanks for the help anyway'
I just said. don't worry, I've had pathetic crushes too. everyone does. she asked me who so I told her. I can trust her to keep secrets. Anyway, I told her that I used to like Jensen. Way back in year 8. We said that anything said in this chat stays in this chat. That was new years eve. Today was the 7th... a week later. Everyone now thinks I like Jared, well, they don't... its really just a joke. nobody actually believes it. So our other friends found out about our secrets. they didn't know what they were but they are all such nosey bitches that they wouldn't stop until they found out. one of them, Sophie, tricked
Megan, the one I told the secret to. She said I had given her permission to know what the secret was. So Megan told her. And now the whole group knows. And because Sophie is a complete bitch, she went and told Jensen and the rest of his group. Now its not even a joke, they genuinely believe I like him. I know it sounds and I don't care about the fact he knows I used to like him. its the fact that my stupid idiots I call friends cant keep a damn secret. AT ALL! And they wonder why I cant tell them anything. Anyway. that's my crappy life, how's yours?

Just Another Goodbye,
From Just Another Girl xx

Just Another New Year

Hey everyone,
I know I haven posted in a while. I'm sorry, its not like anyone reads this anyway. this is just kinda like my online diary because I'm impatient and cant get a real one. I'm just feeling crappy and wanted to let it all out online to unsuspecting people who don't really give a shit. so here's my new year so far...

December 31st:
so I didn't really do anything for new year, me, my mum and my stepdad just stayed in, we ate food, watched tv, i just spent the entire night on an app called friendlife, watching a livestream by someone called jonny. (based on what I'm gonna say next, i don't want him to read this) so, hes 14 (like me) and he's kinda geeky. i don't know him well but i think hes cute. you may also want to know that i love people with lip piercings. i don't know if that's weird but I'm weird so yeah. anyway, he posted on Friendlife saying he's thinking of getting them so i kinda freaked and was like 'omfg omfg omfg omfg hes PERFECT' I'm clearly creepy but i do it anyway coz what have i got to lose?
To be honest that's pretty much the whole story.

January 1st 2016:
I didn't really do anything new years day either. I kinda just ate the left over food (all of it). i stayed in bed until 1:45pm coz I'm a slob and i pretty much paid for it I'm my weight.

January 3rd 2016:
so this was the day I returned to the dreaded hellhole I call high school. Its pretty much the middle of my 3rd year there now. Year 9 is the beginning of the stress at high school. Year seven is alright coz you are new and you are just getting used to it. Year 8 isn't too bad either. To be honest, you don't have to do anything, nothing you do in year 8 actually matters. In year 9 (well in my school anyway) we start our coursework, meaning the little things we do in class, all of it matters. Its really stressful because we took our options in year 8 so technically our GCSE's started this year.

January 6th (today):
Today was crappy. No different than any other day though. Since i went back to school i have just felt depressed. I'm not gonna bore you with the details but i just feel unwanted. I'm getting to the 'I cant deal with this' point. My friends have a vague idea of how i feel but in reality they have no idea. i cant tell them something like this. Not that they'd care. I don't think they like me very much. They deny it but they don't realise i  notice more than they think. They cant trust me, they don't really invite me to places with them anymore, they aren't as nice around me anymore. They just don't seem to care anymore. anyway, i said i wouldn't bore you with the details and I'm gonna stop

Just Another Goodbye
From Just Another Girl xx